I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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