hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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