we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
