Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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