Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
