I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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