I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
