remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
