Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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