dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
