so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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