this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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