I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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