Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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