Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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