hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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