Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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