i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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