My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to align my fucking chakras
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize