Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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