RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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