Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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