Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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