at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize