is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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