I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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