i think i have two assholes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
