I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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