That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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