So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize