Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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