omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize