He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
