I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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