i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
