So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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