It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize