I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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