My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.