I can tuck mytits in my pants
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.