You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.