Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant

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(502): View more from Kentucky

WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!

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(503): View more from Oregon

jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ

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(516): View more from New York

Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(401): View more from Rhode Island

someone was throwing condoms at us.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

no, they just magically show up around you.

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(207): View more from Maine

My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense

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(206): View more from Washington

Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!

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