You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I cut my penus on the lid.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me