Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.

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(415): I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity. http://tfl.nu/h9r5

Replies (9) Good night (1478) Bad night (602)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

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(717): one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9" http://tfl.nu/v0g1

Replies (52) Good night (4714) Bad night (1034)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.

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(317): Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow. http://tfl.nu/7vty

Replies (272) Good night (8770) Bad night (1563)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

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(203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr

Replies (33) Good night (11320) Bad night (944)
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(916): View more from California

Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

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(916): Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life. http://tfl.nu/lqwm

Replies (17) Good night (1337) Bad night (3601)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

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(203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah

Replies (31) Good night (5609) Bad night (1293)
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(863): View more from Florida

I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good

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(863): I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good http://tfl.nu/hwo6

Replies (14) Good night (5147) Bad night (1378)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.

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(405): I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed. http://tfl.nu/abj9

Replies (7) Good night (1142) Bad night (4842)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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(919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2

Replies (12) Good night (6676) Bad night (946)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.

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(704): My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help. http://tfl.nu/8i31

Replies (5) Good night (467) Bad night (1026)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.

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(410): I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful. http://tfl.nu/rt55

Replies (5) Good night (573) Bad night (1886)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.

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(860): Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves. http://tfl.nu/jaio

Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (403)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?

(405): View more from Oklahoma

First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?

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(580): Why is there a muffler in the livingroom? (405): First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance? http://tfl.nu/9zfd

Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (1184)
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(941): View more from Florida

She looks like a beluga.

(954): View more from Florida

I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"

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(941): She looks like a beluga. (954): I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched" http://tfl.nu/1qo8

Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (466)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow

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(856): The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow http://tfl.nu/j3uj

Replies (3) Good night (286) Bad night (465)

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