Sry I called you an 8
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time