and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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