im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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