Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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