I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
