He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize