belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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