You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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