Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
