I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize