just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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