Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar