The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.