when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it