Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???